Stanford Chaparral

Business as Usual

TWGS: This unit's a real beauty, a steal at $200.
Susan: Well, I don't really need a modem.
TWGS: I hear you, Susan. Tell you what: you just pay $250, and you don't have to take the modem.
Susan: That sounds fine. I'll also not buy two fax machines, please.
TWGS: Booyah!

In The Bathroom

Andy: Why are you standing in front of the urinal without letting your trousers down?
TWGS: I've sold my body on urinating by osmosis.
Andy: That's incredible.
TWGS: Always be closing.

At The Track

Johnny: I'll never bet again.
TWGS: Bet on number nine, it's lucky.
Johnny: Sold!
TWGS: [rings bell]

At Work

Boss: Get in here!
TWGS: Yeah?
Boss: Have you been sleeping with my wife?
TWGS: [incredulous] Yes!
Boss: You're fired!
TWGS: What?!?

At The Movies

TWGS: One for "End of Days," please.
Cashier: Eight dollars.
TWGS: Eight? How about one? [winks]
Cashier: Eight.
TWGS: [bares chest] One?
Cashier: Nine.
TWGS: I've lost it.


TWGS: Hence, the new platform really pays for itself within two quarters, although with your systems, James, I'd put the breakeven time at a little over one.
James: Okay, that's pretty convincing. Why don't you ship one to us?
TWGS: Did you know I'm the world's greatest salesman?
James: Um...okay, ship two.
TWGS: [under breath] Fuck yeah.