Stanford Chaparral

As the dawn began to break, I enjoyed a jaunty stroll down the block to the house of an anonymous citizen. Sitting in his yard was a variety of delicious items: delicious to the mind, delicious to the senses.

On the foldout table sat a binder of famous presidential biographies. Next to that sat a used videocassette player. Much to my surprise sat the most exciting item of them all! A cage with two Golden Eagles sat alone, available for the reasonable price tag of $5000. Having recently won the second place lottery the week before, I was elated to take home these pets and invest in a new lifestyle.

I arrived at my home and let the eagles out! They made their presence known to my family by screeching all over the place. Little did I know, these birds of prey weighed fifteen pounds and had wingspans of eight feet, respectively. Surprise!

Taking my eagles for a walk leashed to my forearm, they danced in the sunlight and I was pleased. The next day I took them to buy birdseed! How pleased I was with my eagles.

But the premium wild bird blends did not satiate their hunger. They became angry and attacked me, and I ran screaming into the bathroom. My wife entered the living room in excitement and tried to come to my rescue. When she was clawed in the frenzy of hunger and confusion, my pleasure gave way to anger and fear.

Returning to the garage sale, I was disappointed to find that the house was vacant. What was I to do? Sell the birds to a local pet store? Keep them, and purchase leather masks and gloves for my family? The predicament was indeed tricky, and I pondered my options.

I kept the birds in the garage as I determined a solution. Thankfully, the birds died there the next week of starvation.