Stanford Chaparral

Dear Mr. Wilde,

First off, on behalf of the Associated Publishing Press of London Ltd. I would like to take a moment to thank you for your continued trust in our aptitude as both a publisher and promoter. That being said, I, unfortunately, have some negative business to attend to with regard to your most recent manuscripts.

As is the style of the day, we understand that your recent submissions fall into the category of a serial or “series” of plays. The first in the series: “The Importance of Being Ernest” we find to be a particularly promising work. However, the other works in this “Ernest” series lack the depth, field, and the attention to minutiae we have come to expect from your work.

Specifically, we find serious flaws in the plays “Ernest Goes to Jail,” “Ernest Goes to Camp,” “Ernest Saves Christmas” and “Ernest Scared Stupid.” In these works, your hero, ironically named “Ernest,” is particularly confusing and anachronistic. Incredibly one dimensional and puerile, his motivations seem barely adequate for furthering what are by far your most asinine plots to date. The themes and situations you have developed in these works are similarly vapid and senseless. The snapping turtle motif in particular strikes us as both entirely predictable and wholly philistine. On that note, we have difficulty understanding what literary purpose it serves to have your protagonist physically injured throughout the works; specifically, the often repeated stage direction “2x4 to the face and/or groin” seems superfluous in any and all situations.

As such, we as publishers see nothing exciting nor promising from any of the latter four plays in the series. However, as previously stated (and based upon your past literary endeavors) we believe that “The Importance of Being Ernest” has some potential. To begin, please eliminate entirely the character “Ernest” from this work. That alone will improve the play greatly. You have, for the most part, woven an intricate story with weighty characters and poignant satire. Having a funny-talking cap-wearer in short knickers constantly injuring himself does little for the work.

Also, please learn how to spell “Earnest.”


Jonathan Hughes
President Associated Publishing Press of London Ltd.