Stanford Chaparral

At dinner with Mom and Dad

Oedipus: Hey Mom, do you think that you can take me to the store tomorrow?
[Mom and Dad drop silverware]
Dad: Son, don’t you think that’s a tad inappropriate?
Oedipus: Huh?
Dad: I mean you. And your mother. Alone.
[Mom begins crying]
Oedipus: What is that supposed to mean?
Dad: Well, your name. It’s symbolic.

At School

Oedipus: Hi Daisy. you want to go to the dance?
[A raven flies down on Oedipus’s shoulder.]
Daisy: Aack!
Oedipus: Whoa. Calm down. What’s wrong?
Daisy: What’s that raven doing on your shoulder?
Oedipus: Oh, that. Well, ravens just sort of follow me around from time to time.
Daisy: Doesn’t that strike you as a little symbolic?
Oedipus: Nonsense!
[A vulture flies down and lands on Oedipus’s other shoulder]
Daisy: Aack!
Oedipus: That could happen to anybody!
[The clock strikes twelve, a tree spontaneously combusts, a black cat is hit by lightning.]
Daisy: Aack!
Oedipus: Damn!

In English Class

Teacher: Please open your books to page 315.
Oedipus: Whoa! What the hell!
Teacher: Is there a problem Oedipus?
Oedipus: This is a picture of me from earlier this morning!
Teacher: That’s right. Class, as you can see, Oedipus’s hopeless infatuation with unattainable prom queen Daisy represents a twisted version of the American dream.
[Class bursts into laughter. Daisy blushes]
Oedipus: Hey!
Teacher: Our young hero’s defiance in the face of the inevitable makes us cheer for him, and empathize. However, tragically, we already know from the beginning that he’s doomed to a excruciatingly painful death at 6 this evening.

Hanging out with Friends

Icharus: I heard that if you masturbate too much, you will go blind.
Thomas: I doubt that.
Oedipus: Yeah, I think that’s a rumor.

The Next Day

Oedipus: You were right, Icharus.