Stanford Chaparral

Free Passport Photo Copies...

Eric: [Walking down a busy Philadelphia street] Free Passport Photo Copies!

Customer 1: I’ll take one please.

Eric: Yes sir....alright, here’s your copy and here’s mine. Thanks for your business.

Customer 1: Uh, what do you plan on doing with your copy?

Eric: What are you talking about? This is a copy of my passport. I’m quite the traveller. Me and my wife try to go on a trip every couple of months.

Customer 1: I’m not married.

Eric: Well, then neither am I. But we have prospects right?

Customer 1: I have a fiancee.

Eric: Yeah, she’s sweet, her parents are so amiable, I can’t wait to start a family with her.

Customer 1: This is enough, it’s my life. Sarah is my fiancee, and that is clearly my picture on the passport. Thanks for nothing. Good bye.

Eric: See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya. Just kidding, I would, and I am.

A Sargent and a General...


Eric: No my officer, but I do know who I am...

Officer: Who?

Eric: You don’t recognize me? I’m George Washington. See here’s my ID. [hands him ID]

Officer: Sir, this is just a One Dollar Bill with white-out over the real George Washington’s face and apparently your second grade class picture pasted on it with a pencil arrow pointed to your face.

Eric: I have more ID if necessary. [hands him a quarter]

Officer: Sir, this is just a disc of playdoh with a stick figure etched out of it.

Eric: But its clearly me.

Officer: [into his radio] I am gonna need some backup.

Eric: Sgt. Peterson reporting for duty.

Eric Wakes Up in the Hospital...


Nurse: You’re in South County General Hospital.

Eric: Hmm, my head hurts. Who are you?

Nurse: Nurse Williams

Eric: Wait, who am I?

Nurse: I have no clue, you apparently were just found on the side of the road, you came in with no identification.

Eric: Hot Damn!

Instant Messaging with Father...


PaChevy34: Eric, this has gone far enough, you cannot have my identity, I am ur father for god’s sake.

EricChevy88: Who is this god person you speak of? What’s his social security number.

PaChevy34: Don’t be a fool eric...god doesn’t have a social security number.

EricChevy88: hmm, interesting...BRB.

[EricChevy88 has signed off.]

Instant Messaging with Heavenly Father...


PaChevy34: Oh c’mon Eric...

God88: Who is eric? this is god, didn’t we go to college together?

PaChevy34: Eric, this is ridiculous, I am going to tell your mother.

God88: Wait, what’s her maiden name again?

[PaChevy34 has signed off.]