Stanford Chaparral

Everybody knows Bob Dylan can't sing, but do they know he can't write? To test your knowledge of intricately bad folk-poetry, see if you can tell the real Dylan lyrics from the ones that make a little too much sense.


A) Saw the matinee show, tornadoes and volcanoes, went down the street and bought a couple tacos.

B) Keep a clean nose, wash a plainclothes, don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

C) Miracle-Gro, yellow dominoes, you don't need a fireman to operate a firehose.

D) Palo Alto, south of Menlo, forty-five minutes is too far to San Francisco.

E) None of the above.


B) Seventeen beavers, crazy-ass purple anteater.

C) Don't follow leaders and watch the parkin' meters.

D) What the fuck is a seether? I don't like Veruca Salt either.

E) All of the above.


B) Your grandpa is a mean old coot, he lives inside a giant boot, sitting there playing a three-stringed lute, isn't he?

C) Too young to die, too old to compute, Monday drivers on the midnight commute, slidin' down the Bay Bridge on sea lion soup, forever.

D) I ate some kind of turnip root, salamanders fighting with the newts, Hakeem is better than Manute, probably.

E) These are Wallflowers lyrics.


B) Tiny simian, I like your stats, lemur with a baseball bat. But will he learn to wear his cap, sacrifice bunt or read a map?

C) The Scarlet Pimpernel saved the aristocrats, he danced around in a silly hat, he sold his soul for a laundromat, he hung out with Jean-Michel Basquiat.

D) You used to ride on a chrome horse with your diplomat, who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat. Ain't it hard when you discovered that he really wasn't where it's at?

E) Why are you making fun of Bob Dylan?


B) How many whiteboys can sing the blues? VH1 will only confuse. Can't sell no albums to a new age yuppie with Gucci shoes. Sell out or digitally reproduce?

C) Too many Buddhists and a lot of Jews can't convert newtons to BTUs. I think the metric system is a Frenchie ruse, laughing and reading Albert Camus.

D) Tried to hang but lost the noose, full house of failure and a pair of twos, stranded on a Carnival Cruise, New Zealand Government Kangaroos.

E) Hand me the pen, I just saw a porcelain rabbit dancing!


Answers: B, C, A, D, A



You think the Wallflowers are a “pretty cool band.”


Wasn't he the guy you thought ruined the Traveling Wilburys?


You got stoned last night and listened to “Positively 4th Street” thirty times, then spent two hours trying to figure out what the title means, man.


How did Bob Dylan end up with a copy of the Chappie?