Stanford Chaparral


Americans revel in the antics of a trouble-making gang of teenager in Leave it to Beaver. Common themes include animal neglect, petty blackmail, and academic foul play.

Conservatives prefer the wholesome and non-visual entertainment of toothpaste jingles played over AM radio.


The Cosby Show captures the public’s heart with challenging stories of interracial dating, juvenile delinquency, and paternity testing.

Conservatives prefer Leave it to Beaver, the heart-warming classic TV show reminiscent of an era when families stuck together and neighbors could be trusted. Beaver and the gang remind us that TV can still be pretty funny without minorities or career mothers.


The ground breaking and critically acclaimed reality series Cops takes the nation by storm. For over a decade, this series shows the nation’s seamy underbelly of backyard drug addiction and domestic abuse.

Meanwhile, Nick-at-Nite reruns of Cosby remind conservatives of a simpler day, when most Americans, even the Black ones, were members of the professional upper-middle-class.


Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is the hottest show around. Viewers delight in the willing acquiescence of straight males to the homosexual agenda.

Conservatives prefer the Cops series, which shows real, honest-to-goodness police officers, working hard to keep the country clean and straight.


The nation embraces the hit game show Gay Patrol, in which straight men are awarded prizes for engaging in rampant homosexual activity. Wives watch the show from a sound-proof room backstage.

Conservatives remember the days when queer television was intended to make straight men more attractive to women and merely promoted good hygiene and fashion sense.


America is captivated by the latest reality series, Murder Sex Babies. Through the show’s graphic depiction of baby sex violence, a generation of American viewers are seeded with an appetite for an even more appalling form of entertainment that is yet to come.

Conservatives hearken back to the days of Gay Patrol, where people didn’t die on television and even earned fun prizes through their endeavors.


The hit series Burning It Up receives the highest Nielsen rating ever recorded in the history of television. The show features explicit instruction for committing arson and real footage of budding teenage arsonists; mainstream America gains a true appreciation for this fiery black art.

Conservatives pine for any sort of entertainment that doesn’t openly advocate the destruction of personal property.