Stanford Chaparral

Stanford Student A: I really hate Stern dining.
Stanford Student B: Yeah, me, too. This meat isn't very tender at all, but I heard that Lag food is even worse!
Veal Cow: This food isn't so bad. At least there's sufficient iron so you're bones can hold up your body.

Stanford Student A: Gosh, my room is small.
Stanford Student B: This room is much smaller than the room I have at home.
Veal Cow: My room at home is a slowly expanding bag made of wire which successfully keeps my prone body completely immobile until I'm killed.

Stanford Student A: Gosh, I hate this spring heat.
Stanford Student B: Yeah, it's sweltering.
Veal Cow: If my glands had not been bred out of me and if I had any sort of usable fluids in my body, I would probably sweat.
Stanford Student A: Yeah, I'm sweating.

Stanford Student A: Man, I can never get a date.
Stanford Student B: Yeah, all I do is squander time masturbating.
Veal Cow: I have no genitals, so this is not a problem.
Stanford Student B: Wow... I bet I wouldn't have gotten an A- in Chem 31 if I had no genitals.

Stanford Student A: I don't get enough sleep, so my eyes are red and baggy.
Stanford Student B: My eyes get blood shot from all the pollen in the air.
Veal Cow: My eyes have never been exposed to light and are covered in a thin fleshy membrane that never moves.

Stanford Student A: Man, I'm so tired after my run.
Stanford Student B: Yeah, Ultimate practice sorta wiped me out.
Veal Cow: Attempting to move my head exhausts my underdeveloped heart for days.
Stanford Student A: My grandfather has heart problems, too.

Stanford Student A: Man, the party scene here sucks.
Stanford Student B: Yeah, sometimes I just wanna rage and no one backs me up.
Veal Cow: The happiest day of my week is when they drain my sack of waste fluids.
Stanford Student A: That's cool.