Stanford Chaparral

Lightning is for raccoons to make sure they're not fucking ugly raccoons.

The letter "W" is for people with no front teeth.

Fender benders are for soccer moms. Accidents are for incontinents.

Contacts are great. However, I find that they interfere with my ability to be Clark Kent.

If you were a semiconductor, you'd be boring and wear thick glass. And be made of silicon.