NYC: RPG

At the Plaza Hotel
Tourist: Hi, I’d like to check in.
Concierge: Welcome to our inn, brave adventurer. One night’s stay is one hundred dollars. Would you like to stay tonight or leave?
Tourist: I’m actually booked for the whole week already.
Concierge: Very good sir. Now if you’ll sign your name here (please restrict your name to a length between 6 and 12 characters).
Tourist: ...
Concierge: ...
Tourist: Robert Stev--
Concierge: ROBERT is a fine name for a hero. You shall find your bed on the second floor. It seems that the rest of your party has already arrived.

At Saks Fifth Avenue
Cashier: Would you like to buy or sell today?
Tourist: I’m actually just looking for fragrances.
Cashier: Would you like to buy or sell today?
Tourist: Eh...buy. To buy.
Cashier: We currently have potion, high potion, and elixir.
Tourist: Hmm, is Elixir by Estee Lauder?
Cashier: It was looted from a slain necromancer on the Long Island.

In the Subway Station
Tourist: Geez, these maps are always so confusing. It shouldn’t be so hard to get to Brooklyn.
Homeless Man: Weary traveller, did I overhear that you are organizing an expedition to Brooklyn?
Tourist: Yeah, I’m trying to figure out if I should take the G or the-
Homeless Man: Brooklyn used to be a peaceful place, but I am told that there have been many monsters in those parts recently. Many travelers such as yourself have ventured there, never to return.
Tourist: Look, sir, here’s two bucks.
Homeless Man: God bless you. I promise that this will pay off in an unexpected way in your future.

In Central Park
Policeman: Is there a problem, citizen?
Tourist: Yeah, officer, I just found some jewelry and a couple hundred dollars over there in the middle of that field. I felt it was enough money to warrant  reporting it.
Policeman: Noble gesture, adventurer. Let me ask you: did you find it in a treasure chest?
Tourist: Actually, yes. It was in a wooden box. I have the box to turn in as well. I assume that means the owner has reported it?
Policeman: If you found it in a chest, then it is yours. It is also yours if you found it behind a tree or on the corpse of a vanquished enemy.
Tourist: I don’t think you understand. There was an engraved locket in there. I really don’t feel right keeping this.
Policeman: There are hundreds of those chests strewn about the region. The city takes great care filling and hiding them for the cleverest of treasure-seekers.
Tourist: So, there’s not like a lost-and-found or something?

In Times Square
Tourist: Wow, they’ve really cleaned this place up.
Grand High Mayor Bloomberg: Welcome to my kingdom, adventurer. You are correct that the probability of random encounters in this zone has been reduced drastically since the release of the last patch.
Tourist: No kidding. The last time I was in Times Square I got mugged.
Grand High Mayor Bloomberg: Ah yes, I often recall the days when I’d stroll through these parts armed with a jeweled platinum blade, ready to fend off a mob of thieves at a moment’s notice.
Tourist: Yeah, my brother used to carry a gun.