Mama Said Knock You Out

You might think he’s a“soft” rapper, but there’s nothing soft about LL Cool J’s midsection. It appears to be harder than the top of his head, though he would not allow this reporter to “bonk” him and confirm this. We arranged a sit-down—and, and it turned out, some sit-ups—with Mr. Smith to learn the secrets of his abs-olutely jacked stomach.

So what’s your workout schedule?
Monday and Tuesday is abs. Wednesday is back, biceps, legs and chest. Thursday and Friday abs. Sunday is church, but I usually manage to sneak a few sets of crunches in. I hook my feet under the kneelers.

What are your go-to exercises?
Well, everyone expects me to have a medicine ball made of the faces of sucker MCs or something. But that’s crazy. Really, it depends on what look I’m going for. With Any Given Sunday, I knew it would just be my skin between the muscle and the camera, so I focused on tone and vascularity. For a film like S.W.A.T., you aren’t going to see tone under Kevlar, so I put the emphasis on mass. I just wanted the bulletproof vest to hang different.

Couldn’t people mistake that unseeen bulk for a gut?
Not if they knew a damn thing about LL.

What kinds of music do you use to pump you up?
This is kind of embarrassing. I actually wrote “Mama Said Knock You Out” back in 1990 when I was feeling unmotivated about my training. “Mama Said” gets me going. Now nothing else works at all. I’m thrilled about all the Grammys and gold records, but when you get down to it, it’s just me and that song, my back to the floor, my body ready to spring closed like a bear trap.

So just that one song?
Nah. I usually have my assistant read all my fan mail aloud into a microphone. He edits that and makes a podcast. I throw it on my Zune and then get to listen to my public. It motivates me to get those last few leg-lifts in.

OK, it’s time. May we touch them?
Sure. Don’t go against the grain. You could get cut. Not cut like ripped, not cut like me.  I mean cut like wounded. But go ahead.

Oh my god, it’s like they’re carved from warm marble.
This makes me sound vain, but I actually hired a sculptor to do a bust of me. Well, not a bust, I guess, because it went down to the stomach. Marble was too soft to render my abs. He had to use obsidian, which I’m told can hold an edge four atoms thick.

Any tips for readers who want their own six-packs?
It’s actually not a good use of time if you’re not making a living with your appearance and image.