Beyond Makeout Point

Hey, how’s tricks, Tucker-Trucker? Wowl, who’s that peach you’ve got on your arm? An honor to meet you, Anna, you’re a lovely young lady. Tucker, those applecheeks remind me of your grandma, before time and hot winds withered her out like a sun-dried tomato.

Anna can you please excuse me to speak for a moment with this knucklehead who you’ve so unwisely taken to consorting with?

Listen here, Tucker. I can tell you like this girl. But to tell you where you need to go with her, I need to know where you’ve been.  You haven’t even kissed her yet? And you call yourself a Mulliner. I’d kissed your grandma before we had even met properly. V-J Day. What a time to be alive.

What’s your next move? Hmm. Oh dear.

Tucker, every town in America’s got a Makeout Point. Doesn’t matter uf you’re muggin’ down on Beggar’s Bluff in Lexington, Kentucky, or tongue-fencing on Spokane’s Liar’s Dice Cliff. I reckon you could take a ladyfriend to any old place with a view and reasonably expect a little “Turkish CPR.”

Hell, way back when, a drive-in theater’d do, particularly if there was a frightful picture showin’. But you’ve got to make Anna feel special.  If you’re really looking to progress things ‘twixt you and your gal, then there’s another place for you to consider.

I’m talking about Third Base Point.

Maybe ol’ 3BP doesn’t have the altitude or romance of your Redcoat’s Peak, but there’s only one of ‘em in the entire country. True, Third Base Point at first appears to be nothing more than the parking lot of a Fry’s Electronics in Fishers, Indiana—the one with the blue-eyed employees and an auto racing theme. In fact, Third Base Point is overlooked by Dead Man’s Mesa, a well-known Makeout Point in its own right. Tonight, you go out for malts and then you make a beeline for Fishers, Indiana. Everything else will take care of itself.

Now, powerful forces are at work at Third Base Point. Powerful forces with powerful consequences. Immediately after you pull out of the parking lot, you’ll start thinking that that things are gettin’ pretty serious between your gal—and you’re right. If you have any sense in your neck., you’ll ease the Kia into 4th, maybe 5th gear and make your way to Goin’ Steady Point. Happily enough, this is located in Fishers as well, at the Sephora store in the mall. Grit it out, and as you leave the store, gently ease your letter jacket over her shoulders.

There. It’s done. Celebrate with a trip to Dead Man’s Mesa. Hell no, it’s not a regression.  You ain’t got a letter jacket? Yeah, I guess the Mulliners are no good at sports. Shit. When I was in school, all you had to do was wound a German.