Follow Sammy the Foreigner as he commits crimes against America!

"Hey Dad, me and Joey cut this cat's legs right off. Now it's a furry worm."

Excerpts from a children's book about Stanford University

"I really want to apologize to the Cal fans and everybody that supported us," Hawkins said, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm really sorry about this game."

You killed the flower that is my love.